Love and Logic

I have many cassette tapes, books and CDs about Love and Logic. I would love to be as cool as a cucumber and follow the Love and Logic philosophy when it comes to my family. It is very hard for me because my parenting style is lecture (with a very angry face), lecture some more, yell, and freak out. I developed these skills quite naturally, being raised in a Sicilian home. I don't love these skills. I got very good at them when Dianna was growing up. She told me that I have a VERY SCARY face when I am mad. (I think my facial expressions are one good reason I am a good sign language interpreter, but they don't do much for parenting!)

So, back to Love and Logic. I have been improving my pareting skills, somewhat, and sometimes, through Love and Logic. I still LOVE to lecture, but sometimes my lectures are cut short by my realization that my lectures DO NO GOOD WHATSOEVER!!!!

I have wonderful girls. Don't get me wrong. Dianna, (I don't have to discipline her. She is grown up now), Heidi and Kelli are incredibly wonderful girls. If President Benson hadn't given the talk on "Beware of Pride", I would say I was proud of these wonderful girls. But I can't say that, so I will say I am very pleased with these wonderful girls.

Dianna is an incredible person! I will post a blog one of these days about how incredible she is, but today is Love and Logic, so back to today's blog.

I am just saying that, even with incredible girls here at home, I still LOVE to lecture angrily!! Any chance I can get! BUT, I am so happy that I have come to the realization that my lectures are worthless.

So last night I was so upset for a moment and I began my lecture, with the angry face and all. It only lasted about 30 seconds and I went to the window shades to close them as it was night time. The whole time I was closing the window shades I was thinking of all the lecture that I COULD be giving. My brain was going a mile a minute! Thank goodness I kept my mouth shut. I feel badly enough about the 30 seconds yucky lecture that I managed to get out before my logic took over!.

BUT today I did controlled myself much better! As the winter started last year and walking to school was going to be too difficult, I told my daughter to get a carpool together so she wouldn't have to walk and be late to school. She wouldn't do it. I told her the days we could drive. She wouldn't do it. I gave her suggestions on who might be interested in carpooling. She wouldn't do it. So today she was going to be late, again, and she said she will have to be in Set Time at school, missing part of her lunch, because of her tardies.

Here is the good part: I said, "How sad." My brain said, "I TOLD YOU YOU SHOULD SET UP A CARPOOL!!! I TOLD YOU WHICH DAYS WE COULD DRIVE. I TOLD YOU YOU SHOULDN'T BE LATE TO SCHOOL! I GAVE YOU SUGGESTIONS ON WHO TO CALL!!! I TOLD YOU SO!!!"

Then she said that she will have to go to attendance school to clear her tardies. My brain repeated the lecture above but I said, "Oh, bummer. I guess you can do homework while you are there." (I really didn't need to add the 'homework' part, but I did because my mouth likes to run.)

Anyway, she couldn't get mad at me. That is what Love and Logic claims. If I had started into a lecture, all of her anger at herself for being late would have turned onto me. So she just had to sit and be mad at herself.

My problem is I want to control everything and everyone and it isn't good for me or for anyone else. I am making baby steps at letting others make their own choices. This is a very painful process for me!