Love and Logic

I have many cassette tapes, books and CDs about Love and Logic. I would love to be as cool as a cucumber and follow the Love and Logic philosophy when it comes to my family. It is very hard for me because my parenting style is lecture (with a very angry face), lecture some more, yell, and freak out. I developed these skills quite naturally, being raised in a Sicilian home. I don't love these skills. I got very good at them when Dianna was growing up. She told me that I have a VERY SCARY face when I am mad. (I think my facial expressions are one good reason I am a good sign language interpreter, but they don't do much for parenting!)

So, back to Love and Logic. I have been improving my pareting skills, somewhat, and sometimes, through Love and Logic. I still LOVE to lecture, but sometimes my lectures are cut short by my realization that my lectures DO NO GOOD WHATSOEVER!!!!

I have wonderful girls. Don't get me wrong. Dianna, (I don't have to discipline her. She is grown up now), Heidi and Kelli are incredibly wonderful girls. If President Benson hadn't given the talk on "Beware of Pride", I would say I was proud of these wonderful girls. But I can't say that, so I will say I am very pleased with these wonderful girls.

Dianna is an incredible person! I will post a blog one of these days about how incredible she is, but today is Love and Logic, so back to today's blog.

I am just saying that, even with incredible girls here at home, I still LOVE to lecture angrily!! Any chance I can get! BUT, I am so happy that I have come to the realization that my lectures are worthless.

So last night I was so upset for a moment and I began my lecture, with the angry face and all. It only lasted about 30 seconds and I went to the window shades to close them as it was night time. The whole time I was closing the window shades I was thinking of all the lecture that I COULD be giving. My brain was going a mile a minute! Thank goodness I kept my mouth shut. I feel badly enough about the 30 seconds yucky lecture that I managed to get out before my logic took over!.

BUT today I did controlled myself much better! As the winter started last year and walking to school was going to be too difficult, I told my daughter to get a carpool together so she wouldn't have to walk and be late to school. She wouldn't do it. I told her the days we could drive. She wouldn't do it. I gave her suggestions on who might be interested in carpooling. She wouldn't do it. So today she was going to be late, again, and she said she will have to be in Set Time at school, missing part of her lunch, because of her tardies.

Here is the good part: I said, "How sad." My brain said, "I TOLD YOU YOU SHOULD SET UP A CARPOOL!!! I TOLD YOU WHICH DAYS WE COULD DRIVE. I TOLD YOU YOU SHOULDN'T BE LATE TO SCHOOL! I GAVE YOU SUGGESTIONS ON WHO TO CALL!!! I TOLD YOU SO!!!"

Then she said that she will have to go to attendance school to clear her tardies. My brain repeated the lecture above but I said, "Oh, bummer. I guess you can do homework while you are there." (I really didn't need to add the 'homework' part, but I did because my mouth likes to run.)

Anyway, she couldn't get mad at me. That is what Love and Logic claims. If I had started into a lecture, all of her anger at herself for being late would have turned onto me. So she just had to sit and be mad at herself.

My problem is I want to control everything and everyone and it isn't good for me or for anyone else. I am making baby steps at letting others make their own choices. This is a very painful process for me!

The Gospel

I was thinking, yesterday, about my gospel journey.

I was born to a father who was an agnostic. "When we die, that is it. We cease to exist. There is no proof that there is a God," and other teaching that I won't go into.

My mom was a less-active Catholic. I was raised to school age with nothing. No prayers. No scriptures. No teachings of God or Jesus. Nothing religious whatsoever.

At the age of almost 5 years old, my father wanted me to have a "private school" education. No public school for me. I then spent the next 9 years in a psycho school. If I told you all the horrendous experiences that happened to children in that horrible school, you would cry. I cry when I remember them.

BUT, the good thing is, it was a Christian School. They taught Jesus. They taught the scriptures, the Bible. They taught prayer. I learned to love scriptures. It is a bit amazing that I loved the scriptures because whenever I was 'bad' at school I would get sent to the principal and she would say, "What did you do today?" Then, for my punishment, I would have to memorize scriptures and then go back to class.

In 7th grade, because of some neighbors that I liked, I joined the Catholic church. Oh, I loved reading the little books they gave me and I loved memorizing prayers, (which I can still recite today) and I wanted to be a Nun because they had beautiful habits (clothes) and rosaries and big huge pockets!

My first day to church after I had my first communion, my mom dropped me off at church with some friends that had come to town for my special day. She told us to walk home after church. It was about 2 miles home. During church I started feeling really weak. It was a special Sunday and they had a priest all decked out in fancy clothes with a big hat. He was burning incense and walking up and down the aisles. I felt sicker and sicker and very weak. We had to walk home and it ended up I had pneumonia. Needless to say, I never went back to church.

In 9th grade I went to a public high school. Again, no prayers, scriptures or any such thing. I began looking for "the true church" and couldn't find anything that matched the Bible and its teachings.

A big long story goes here but I am tired of writing right now so I will just say that about 6 or 7 years later Heavenly Father let me find The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. At first I didn't believe the missionaries at all. But after a couple lessons they gave me a pamphlet, The Plan of Salvation, and I realized that this church follows the Bible more than any other church I had checked into!

I joined the church 32 years ago and my life has been blessed sooooo much! Even though it would have been nice to have the gospel from the beginning, I am so happy that, through God's love, I found the gospel and can feast everyday on the gospel meat...and treats!

February

Can you believe it is already February? I remember when it was 1999 and so many people were so concerned about Y2K. I remember when President Faust had his pointer finger raised, during general conference, and said, "Mark my words. 2000 will come and go and nothing will happen (or change or we won't even notice)." (Not an exact quote, but something like that.) I wasn't that worried before but many people were and when he spoke those prophetic words, I completely relaxed.

Time really marches on and things change and happen. It seems time is marching very, very quickly now. I know that young people feel the same way. It is not just that I am getting older. I think there is so much to get done that time is going at a more rapid pace. Maybe the Savior is coming in a few short years and so we are practically spinning out of control in preparation for Him. But the spinning will make us dizzy and not able to focus on what is important, like our preparing to greet Him. We want to be like Him when He comes. I think it is going to take me A LOT LONGER than a few short years. But, I WON'T GIVE UP!

(Sonya. Invite me to your blog.)

Friday!

Fridays really are special. I am really loving Fridays. It is nice to have a weekend. I love Fridays.

Weekends are too short, though. I would like a three-day weekend. So often I am busy on Saturdays and then all of a sudden it is Monday again. But you know what? I like weekdays, too.

When I was a child I would visit my father on the weekends. He HATED weekdays. He would begin moaning about Monday on Friday or Saturday. I would listen to his moans, his complaints, his gripes. He said things like this to me: "You are so lucky you are a child. You don't want to grow up. It is horrible being an adult. You have to work so hard when you are an adult. I HATE going to work. I HATE Mondays." He did this every weekend, every year until I was 10 years old. Then I got tired of visiting him and refused to go on the weekends.

So, for many, many years I would become despondent on Sundays. I would feel SO depressed I couldn't even function. I would DREAD the coming week!

A few years ago I realized what was happening. I really don't HATE Mondays. I actually like all the days. (Friday does hold a particularly special place in my heart, though!)

I had to overcome all those negative thoughts and realize that Mondays are just fine, as are all the days.

Also, I LOVE being an adult. I love being independent and not having to do what all the grown ups want me to do. I love making my own choices and I love freedom. I love lying around all day, if I want to, and I love driving where I want to and I love eating what I want to. Ahhh...it is sure nice to be an adult and love EVERYDAY!

(I am happy it is Friday, though!)

BYU

I have the opportunity to interpret at BYU on Thursdays. It is so great! I am in a couple classes where they teach about The Book of Mormon. I am a convert to the church. I didn't go on a mission. I wasn't raised with The Book of Mormon. I am enjoying learning a lot about the scriptures. The Spirit is so strong during these class periods. It is a pure joy to be there.

I am so glad I have this opportunity.

TV

In response to Anaise's blog about TV and other wandering, disjointed thoughts:

I was raised in an illiterate Italian family home. A grandmother and grandfather, my mother and her younger sister and brother and me were all living in a three bedroom house. Well, TV was new and our TV was on all the time. We watched everything we could. It was exciting to have this magical screen that could bring a tonsillectomy into our living room. A live tonsillectomy. I was 5 years old and I saw a tonsillectomy being performed LIVE. Gross!

We watched Roller Derby. Talk about senseless. A bunch of rowdy women (or men) skating in circles and trying to beat each other up. Scared me to death! Also, westerns, westerns, westerns. No offense, but I hated watching those dumb westerns! My grandpa ruled and he LOVED westerns. Yuck.

There wasn't a book in the house. Why should there be a book, no one could really read much, if at all. Only a couple of the children graduated from high school. I do believe, though, that all the grandchildren graduated from high school, thank goodness. One grandson (my half-brother) got a BA and an MA. My one male cousin got a BA and almost finished an MA. I got an AA and now, 33 years later, I am working on my BA. (I only have 12 classes left in Deaf Studies at Utah Valley University.)

Anyway, back to the TV. My entire growing up years the TV was going all day and night. Talk about a bad habit! A very hard habit to break. When I got married I didn't want it to be that way. My husband also was raised with 24/7 TV. The fight for freedom from TV has been long and hard and we are still in the middle of it!

Watching TV is a very comfortable habit. Some evenings I just turn that tube on and sit on my butt and watch anything that I can find while I surf for something "good". I almost get addicted to any channel I turn on.

Of course, there are problems with watching TV all the time. Fortunately I did learn how to read from my divorced father. I visited him on weekends. He was a voracious reader. In fact his whole life consisted of reading in bed and going to work to pay the bills. He bought me all sorts of Little Golden Books and comic books and fun things to read. He made reading so enjoyable.

Well, when I was about 9 years old I stopped visiting my father. All that lying around reading was boring. I wanted to be outside with friends in my neighborhood. The reading then slowed down. TV took over. I spent so much time watching TV. I didn't start reading much until much later. This, of course, has taken a toll on my learning English. Sure I know English to a point. But there are so many words with which I struggle. "Read, read, read", I have been told. I fall asleep! Reading is one of my favorite things to do, but I fall asleep whenever I read!

So now I am trying to improve my English vocabulary because I am interpreting in an academic setting and I need to be able to figure out what the teacher is saying. I have a dictionary in every room of the house. I am constantly looking up words while I am reading (not just skipping them, which is what I tend to do) and writing out what they mean. Man, I am too old for this!

I wonder why my father didn't use his fabulous vocabulary with me when I was young. That certainly would have helped me.

I have so many things to overcome in life that were caused by living in my grandparents home, (actually TV is one of the lesser of the many problems I have), but I LOVE my Sicilian Italian heritage and I wouldn't change it even if I could. (Part of me wonders if that is a completely true statement, but I really think it is probably true. No! It is most definitely true!)

So, Anaise, my point is for you to keep up the good work. I would never say go Cold Turkey because I can totally understand those late nights/early mornings/hours on end/want to find a cave and hibernate times. But you guys are on the right path for your children. They are doing wonderful things. TV does not dominate your or their lives in any way, shape, manner or form. They love playing, learning, exploring, experimenting, cooking and playing more. You really don't need to fret over TV. You are following the Prophet and apostles. TV isn't a big part of your lives. I think what President Hinckley was referring to were people like my family and me and what we used to do. (We could still cut down even more but that blasted American Idol. Talk about senseless. My friend tried out for it and I got hooked a few years ago when he told me about it.)

The sad thing is that my husband and I were raised on TV. We raised our girls on a lot of TV. Fortunately, Dianna doesn't even have cable in her house with her boys. But it is a struggle for her and it would have been more helpful if I had fought the fight sooner. We can never give up! I wasn't raised in an intellectual, academic home so it is foreign to me. Anaise, you are fortunate because you were raised with intelletual stimulation and you have always lived your life in pursuit of learning and growing and you raise your children in a love-of-learning atmosphere. TV is a very small part of your very full life. You can enjoy it once in a while.

A++++++

Do you know what it is like to be an A personality? I do. And I am not all that happy about it. I married a B (thank goodness) and all of my children ended up as a B. Well, can you imagine and A surrounded by Bs? It is not a pretty sight! And the more B they are, the more A I become.

So now we are living in a household with an extreme A++++++ and three B- people! Is this how people die of heart attacks and strokes?

So, one of my New Year's resolutions is to TONE DOWN! Hellloooo! I am too young to die! And I am too old to be driving everyone crazy! IT IS REALLY HARD BEING AN A!!

Does it really matter if the dishes are put in a special way in the dishwasher? Does it really matter if ....well, fill in the blank. You get the picture!

I know I can't be a B. It's just not in the cards for me. But, can't I be an A-? And when I tone down and become an A-, won't that help the family to step it up and become B+'s? Let's experiment and see! But, ugh, what a lot of work!